Writing on Relationships, Attachment & Growth
Reflections on relationships, growth, and the courage to know yourself — written for anyone who takes their inner life seriously.
New reflections published regularly
The man who kept going
He has been good at this for a long time. At school, effort was noticed and rewarded. At university, the rewards grew. Somewhere along the way, achieving stopped being something he did and became how he knew he was all right. Academia suits this pattern almost perfectly. It is one of the few places where…
When the Plan That Worked Stops Working
Many of the people who come to me have spent decades doing exactly what was asked of them. They studied hard, chose a field with good prospects, and worked well. For a long time the arrangement held. There was a path, it looked secure, and there was little reason to ask how it felt to…
What the Rainbow Knows About Conflict
I've been reading Julie and John Gottman's book, *Fight Right: How Successful Couples Turn Conflict into Connection*, and one image from it has stayed with me: Asked as a child what she thought would happen if parents fought all the time, she said: I guess there wouldn't be any rainbows in the house. A rainbow…
What Anger Has to Do with Love
Why securely functioning relationships need anger and what happens when it goes unspoken. Recently someone said to me: “If anger is an emotion too, then it seems like there’s always something.” I smiled. Because in a way, I think they're right. We tend to think of anger as the emotion that breaks the connection. The…
When Words Fall Short, Music Speaks
A reflection on music as emotional language, what it reveals before words are ready, and why it has become central to the way I work A friend once asked me: "What's your theme song today?" Without thinking, I named a house track. My friends assumed I must have been joyful, energised, ready to dance. In…
The Hardest Part Isn't Deciding
A reflection on life-changing decisions, what makes them possible, and why so many of us stay stuck There's a moment most of us know. You've made the decision. Finally. After weeks or months of circling it, you've landed. You know what you need to do. And then — nothing changes. You go back. You stay.…